oh no you didn't.

I got smoked by a gamer this weekend. A fifteen-year-old black kid with a total disregard for gravity who nearly cracked my jaw.

We went to the video game convention in Philly. Thus far I’ve been to a horror convention and a comic book convention. Both were quite interesting and a lot of fun, but this one topped them all by far.

What was the first thing I saw upon walking into the convention center? Super Mario. A middle-aged fat man dressed as Super Mario and not just THAT but he was the RACOON Mario. You know, from the third installment of the game? Tail and ears and I’m-still-not-sure-how-he-got-overalls-that-big and everything.

In addition to this Mammoth Mario were some Storm Troopers, random Anime characters, a Ghost Buster, Darth Vadar and Master Chief; the latter two I have pictures with. Master Chief was, hands down, the best costume there.

It was interesting to be in the world of gamers, to see the many different platforms that host games and the many different people each game attracts. There was also LARPing and Cosplay, but I will save that for a separate entry – it’s a whole ‘nother beast entirely.

Still owning only an old school XBox and an N64, the highlight of my day was the section of actual arcade game machines (think PacMan) and the huge projection on the wall of people playing Asteroids.

My least favorite part of the day was getting run over for a free t-shirt.

There was a section that could be considered the epicenter of the convention that had a stage where raffles and contests frequently took place. There was an open floor littered with gaming chairs and bean bags in front of the stage. Tony, Kev and I went there for a raffle and some giveaways. We stood for a half hour before the raffle actually started to go off. By that time my feet were burning (because I’m the jackass that decided to wear Nine West pumps to a video game convention) so I sat down in a chair on the floor. I was about five feet from the crowd in front of me. The girls on stage started throwing out t-shirts and shit got hectic. I began scooching my way back and then there it was: a perfect navy blue t-shirt flying in my general direction. I leaned back in my chair, outstretched my arm and saw the fabric just brush my fingertips – before I got landed on and elbowed in the jaw.

I’m pretty sure I heard a collective “Oh!” from everyone standing in front of me. The pretty girl in the heels just got smashed worse than a Koopa Troopa by a kid about twice her size. He rolled off of me quickly and I kind of just sat there, arm still hanging mid-air, outstretched for the shirt I’d never get. Kev and Tony turned around and I think they both wanted to laugh, but they asked if I was ok instead.

No, I’m really not. Never mind the fact that my jaw is throbbing and I think my elbow twisted a way it really shouldn’t, I want that shirt, could you beat the fifteen year-old-up for me please?