who watches the watchmen? THIS GUY.

I’m not really a movie reviewer, but here goes. (SPOILERS!)

Watchmen. The epic movie that’s been in the making for years now has finally hit the theaters – and when I say hit, I mean smash through and disintegrate everything in its path.

The movie was epic. From start to finish I was entranced – it never seemed a two and three quarter hours long movie.

First and foremost, I need to draw attention to the opening sequence. The Comedian’s death/brief overview of the Minute Men and how we got where we are today = BRILLZ. I was smiling at points in it, thinking about how clever it was. For example – the Comedian was JFK’s assassin. Or Silhoutte inadvertently replicating the moment we glimpse in the photograph of the sailor kissing the young woman after World War II. All of it excellent and well done, from their formation to their demise.

I only read about half of the graphic novel but I must say, comparing the parts I read to the movie – it was almost panel for panel. I sat there, quoting the lines, as they were pulled directly from the novel. The imagery was stunning and, again, pulled right from the book.

The casting was superb. Billy Crudup did a genius job as Dr. Manhattan. Every sentence that left his mouth dripped with apathy. (Oh, and the Ken doll-like peen that he sports in the trailers? Totally gone and anatomically correct!) Rorshach was a tiny guy that looked harmless, but deadly lethal once you got down to it. (“The thing is, I’m not locked in here with you – you’re locked in here with ME!” – and the audience went ape shit). The Comedian was fucked up in all the right places, in the ways Night Owl was nice and Silk Spectre was sexy.

There was the right amount of blood, the right amount of sex, the right amount of fighting and the right amount of talking. Snyder blended everything together perfectly to pull off what most deemed impossible. Sure, some things were left out (don’t even look for the squid), but it did little to damage the storyline on the whole.

The only thing I would say is that if you haven't read the novel, you may get lost. Much like its paper version, the movie contains many flashbacks in order to flesh out the histories of the characters (and don't even get started on Doc Manhattan's ability to exist in numerous times at once - that can really go off the charts.)

It also stuns me that these "real people" that are superheroes can take such incredible beatings (as well as dish them out) and barely bat an eyelash. If anyone can do that, it's Dr. Manhattan, but I don't believe for a second that stick-thin Laurie Jupiter could pummel the shit out of a guy three times her size. If that's the case, there's hope for me yet.