gory glory.

Let’s take a second to talk about my balls.

My metaphorical ones, that is. You know – my cajones, my stones, my rocks. I’m not afraid of a lot of things. I have no problem doing most things, experiencing most things (except your occasional flock of birds - PLEASE get them OUT OF HERE).

One thing I DO have a problem with is scary movies. Since dating Tony, I’ve been seeing more and more scary movies and I’m now figuring out what really gets under my skin. It’s not so much the blood and gore at this point – it’s the paranormal things. It’s demons and ghouls and crawling, jerking figures. But I sit through all of it, and I do it well.

My scary movie balls are pretty big, but I didn’t get there without a fight. Oh no. Don’t like scary movies but find yourself being dragged to one? Listen to me – I know just what to do.

Got contacts? Take those bitches out and throw your glasses on. There’s a sense of security in knowing that if you look a little too far in one direction, your world will become a blur, thus softening what’s on screen. Or, just take them off completely. The people you’re with don’t need to know you’re blind as a bat without your glasses on. What you see on screen will just be a lot of blotchy figures – Saw V went by in big red blurs for me.

Put your knees up. This will only be a problem if the theater is full, thus making the seat in front of you occupied. Otherwise, putting your knees up gives you something to stare at when things start to get crazy. It serves as a barrier to the screen – you can pick and chose which corner of the screen you’d like to stare at instead of the whole thing by shifting your knees about. This method also works well if you wear a hat. Hats are way more effective, but you might get called out if you pull the brim down too far.

And last, but not least, and most important - RESEARCH. Yea, it’s not just for school – it’s for your nerves and sanity. It’s going to ruin the movie, sure. But who cares?! Did you really want to see this in the first place? Probably not. If you aren’t attending the opening night of the film, go online and look at reviews. Got a twist ending to it? Google it. YouTube it and you might get lucky. A lot of reviews talk about specific scenes, so you know what’s coming. Prepare yourself for what’s to come and it all won’t be such a shock.

So get out there, go see some crazy films that you didn’t want to be a part of in the first place. You can at least discuss it with your friends (to a certain extent) and maybe after a while you’ll remove the cap and drop your knees and take it in in all its gory glory.