if you want my auto, want my autobiography.

SoulPancake on Twitter posted something that said to write five possible openings for your autobiography. I only came up with four, but I like them so much I'm going to count them as five


1.) There are two times in my life that I’ve thrown up from nerves: the day I got my inner bottom lip tattooed and the day of my grandmother’s wake. It’s a pretty good track record, considering all the other shit I’ve done in my 22 years on the Earth.


2.) In the three hours it takes for shoulder-length, curly hair to dry completely, a lot can happen: dignity can be lost, lives can be flipped upside down, hearts can be broken and my father can threaten to kill my boyfriend. With a shotgun. On the front lawn.


3.) Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to rip someone’s throat out, vampire style. It’s that way of thinking that has kept people intrigued, but unsure of me. Such is my life – so many friends, so few of them dare get close enough.


4.) I’m just going to take this opportunity to gloat.