mouth, meet foot.

Holidays are a time to gather with family. It’s a time that I always seem to reflect upon who I am and how I got that way, picking out traits from family members. Why I’m obnoxious, where my weird eating habits stem from, why my neck and face stain red when I have more than one beer.

This holiday weekend I recognized all this not because of Thanksgiving, but my cousin’s baby shower.

She’s on my dad’s side of the family. You know how you read about the stereotypically obnoxious families that embarrass you every chance they get and have really weird habits? They exist and they’re all related to me.

We don’t see each other as much since my grandmother passed away, so it’s nearly shell-shock when we do get together. I haven’t seen my five aunts in months. My hair color and cut have changed drastically (which they should expect by now – I’m like Madonna). This is what I get for it.

“HunEEEE you look BEAUTIFULLLLLLL!”
“I love your HAIRRRRR!”
“I thought it was a WIG when you walked in! I was going to come over and PULL on it!”

That last one coming from an aunt who touches EVERYONE’S hair, because she has none of her own. Her scalp is visible beneath a see-through dome of brownish hair strands. I can’t even call it hair. It looks like a Chia pet, just hollowed out.

I can also be blunt sometimes and awkward in my public speaking. I don’t generally think about what I’m going to say until it’s good and gone out of my mouth (into the awkward silence you go!) and my verbal damage has been inflicted. This rarely hurts anyone; it serves more as humorous relief or one more reason to slap MORON on my forehead.

Everyone was gathered that day from my cousin and her husband's side of the family. Grandmother, great-grandmothers, children of sister-in-laws and aunts. My pregnant cousin stood in the beginning of the shower to give "thank yous" to everyone and concluded with this:

“I just want to thank my husband Kyle for putting up with me. And – you know what no. This is his fault anyway.”